Domestic Problems
by Sarsel
Summary: X/A. The two are getting married but how are they going to deal with this pesky immortal/mortal problem? Pure fluff


Ratings: This is a PG-13. Sex happens but I don't get descriptive. I'm sure I've used one or two badwords and there is no intended subtext. Although if you were to show this story to a subtexter then they'd say there was. Ok, maybe I did do that on purpose :) Kinda like the actual writers of the show huh? Oh get over it people. You all know I'm behind hotty God with the nice ass getting the girl. I'm sorry if I didn't write Xena that well in this one. It's hard writing her happy. normally she's stoic and makes biting remarks.....here she just smiles.   
  
God Notes: Ok, so for this I'm going to have to clarify the positions of some of the gods, these are not mythologically correct though. Aphrodite is Zeus' daughter. And how a guy can impregnate sea foam.....well.....never mind. Let's just question what was wrong with Posiedon that day. And she is also married to Hephaestus (her half brother but they're the gods and let's ignore that too) She does however sleep around because she is the Goddess of Lovin. And I don't doubt that her and Ares have gone for a romp in the hay before but I disagree with Cupid being their son. For this story, Cupid is the son of Hephaestus. So there is no sexual tension between Ares and 'Dite. They're relationship acts now like any brother and sister. Oh and don't think that Hera is evil here. She is the goddess of women and childbirth and for that purpose is a very nice Goddess.   
  
Spoilers: There really are none. I'm not sure where this story is taking place. Before Eve and the heavenly conception or somewhere around there. After Eli's death but before any mention of the Twilight. Let's just assume that the followers of Eli and the Greek Gods can all live in harmony ok?   
  
Chapter 1   
Xena woke up abruptly and fully alert as she was accustomed to do. A quick mental inventory of her surroundings revealed she'd awakened for no reason other than the fact that she was no longer tired. The same thing could not be said for the warm body beside her, which still held her waist with a firm grip and whose face was nuzzled against hers upon the pillow. Xena saw no reason to leave the comfortable coccoon they'd built for themselves and burrowed her legs deeper under the covers and laid them along his. Pulling the thick black comforter over her shoulders she rested her head back in the crook of his neck and smiled in deep contentment.   
  
This was a total miracle. No other explanation could be offered. They may have loved each other before but those emotions had been buried and ignored to make way for their primary feelings of anger, vengeance and hatred. They'd both said and done too many things to be overlooked and neither would dare trust the other enough to admit love. Xena could really see now that she had been the hardest. She'd always assumed that in allowing her feelings for him to take her, she'd be doing the same for her dark side. She'd refused to allow either an inch of space. Of course, he'd been no angel either, thought Xena with a smile as she moved in closer. He just couldn't accept that someone could resist him for so long. He'd lashed out in anger and tried to hurt her but had always felt an even greater satisfaction when she triumphed over his plots. Xena knew this now and reveled in the fact that he was not her dark side and she could love him without fear of becoming the despised evil she'd once been.   
  
Not that all her thoughts now were pure as a priestess of Hestia. For example, one of Hestia's virgins would never let her hand slide down a man's body, over his hips before tracing her fingers around........   
  
Ares was awake now. Wide awake, and by the evidence she felt, possibly even more alert than Xena was, Ares arched his eyebrow and gave her a questioning and unbelievably sexy look. Xena just grinned mischievously and allowed her fingers to roam further. Ares tightened his arms around her and brought his mouth to hers for what began as a gentle and playful good-morning kiss but which ended being far more passionate.   
  
Chapter 2  
By the time they actually left the warm bed, most of the morning had passed. Ares' clothes just appeared on his body after getting up but Xena went about it in her mortal way. Ares paused for second to appreciate the view of a very naked and proud Xena as she walked across the room; completely unashamed of her body. Then he quickly took off to review a minor skirmish. Xena loved the adoring look on his face and sighed after he disappeared. She opened the closet on the other side of the room and pulled out a random dress. She had quite a collection of clothing stored there now, seeing as she'd been living in Ares' Halls of War for over a month. She quickly dressed and before she was even out of the chamber she knew he was back, not only from the tingles that danced down her spine, but from the smell of a breakfast procured straight from a God's imagination.   
  
They sat in the grand dining room, both concentrating on the food before them. Ares finished the last bite before Xena did and he spent those few seconds staring at her as she ate. As she swallowed the last mouthful she glanced up at her gorgeous god of War. He was wearing his usual black leather get up and looking at her with his own special look of adoration and love. Almost any other man would look like an addled puppy with such an expression on his face, but Ares had so much strength behind him that it only intensified his dark attractiveness. As they both held each other's eyes, Ares was the first to speak.  
"Five more days." His words brought an almost stupid grin to Xena's face. Then she twisted her features into a look of confusion.  
"What's in five days? I'm sorry, I seem to have forgotten." Xena was almost smiling behind her smirk before she even got all the words out. Ares smiled at the jest in good grace.  
"The wedding you little retard. Remember! Ceremony, Mt. Olympus, you and me, joined for eternity. Ringing any bells up there?" Ares delivered that line with pursed lips and descriptive hand movements that he used when being sarcastic. Xena replied in kind.   
"hmmmmm, vaguely. And who are you again?"   
"Ares, love of your life" Xena smiled again, like she'd been doing a lot lately.   
"Now that is a much better title." They both grinned like idiots at each other for almost a whole candlemark. It was once again Ares who broke the silence by standing and saying   
"I hate to leave you my dear but that group in Kaeuses seems to have lost all their brain cells and I have to keep an eye on it. I'll be back this evening. Ok?" Xena nodded and went over to him before kissing him goodbye. In a small flash he was gone.   
  
Xena almost giggled in happiness, if Xena giggled. Her actual reaction was a hearty sigh of joy. They were getting married. Together for........for forever. Xena's smile disappeared. They hadn't discussed that yet. Of course they loved each other and would be together, but Xena was mortal; Ares a God. They had many options open to them but hadn't really broached the subject yet. They couldn't continue as they were. When she would eventually grow old and die, she'd be leaving Ares alone for eternity. It wasn't fair to him in the least and Xena refused to do it. Xena didn't want to become a God. She had no real respect for any of them as Gods, and for the most part found them useless and not needed by humanity. She just didn't crave that power anymore. So Ares could become mortal. She just didn't crave that power anymore. So Ares could become mortal. Oh he'd hate that. But there was no doubt he'd do it for her and come to enjoy it. Life could work out quite well. But life would eventually end for both of them. Once again the promise of immortality loomed over Xena. Why condemn them both to die when they could be together forever? Over a few stupid morals Xena? It hardly seemed worth it. Why put a time limit on their lives together just because of a minor theological difference? Sure that argument *sounded* convincing, but Xena just couldn't make herself accept it right then. A good fast ride on Argo seemed just what she wanted and she was making her way out to the grand stables when a pink glow heralded the appearance of Aphrodite.   
  
Chapter 3  
Ares had managed to keep the small battle from becoming a totally useless blood bath. The two opposing armies were still hacking away at each other. Ares was really enjoying it, but he'd kept the majority of the killing on the battlefield. Crazy northern warriors; they'd attack a tree in their killing frenzy if one got in the way. Ares stood in the very middle of the field. Screaming warriors dashed about, spilling blood all over the grass. Ares strolled around invisible, almost oblivious to all the carnage. By the Gods he loved Xena. No one could ever doubt that now. But he was too aware of the imposing obstacle ahead. Immortality. He knew Xena would resist becoming a Goddess. She probably couldn't even come up with a convincing argument against it. It was simply something she no longer wanted. Ares really dreaded telling her about the ceremony. Xena knew a lot about the Gods, being one of the few mortals to keep their company, but Ares seriously doubted she knew of the intricacies of an Olympian wedding ceremony; and doubtless that's the ceremony they'd have, the only ceremony that truly bound any immortal. Of course Xena wouldn't know about the ceremony. The last one had been Aphrodite and Hephestaus, but that was over 500 years ago. There was really no way that Xena would know how the couple spoke their vows and toasted each other with goblets of ambrosia. Ares groaned as he thought of it again. There was no way around it. If any God wanted to marry, both the bride and groom must drink ambrosia. There was no way around it and if Xena refused, then they couldn't get married.   
  
They had the option of not getting married, but Ares hated the thought. For one thing, he wanted to get married. He'd never felt about anyone like he felt about Xena and he wanted some major distinction between this relationship and the ones from his past to mark that. And for another thing, he wanted Xena to be a Goddess. He wanted to spend every moment of the next thousand millenia with her and he simply couldn't do that if they only had lifespans of maybe 70 years. Ares realized what he'd just thought and then scoffed at his shock. Of corse he'd become mortal if she asked. It wouldn't be a light decision but neither was asking her to marry him. He didn't intend to wed her as a God and watch her wither away from him in so short a time, leaving him to an empty future. It simply wasn't going to happen. Ares silently begged for Xena to agree to the ambrosia. He loved his godhood, but he did love her more.   
  
Chapter 4  
Aphrodite could sense major turmoil brewing in Ares' love life. But hey, at least Ares now HAD a love life, and a damn fine one at that. Anyway, most problems like this, 'Dite just sat back and let the prospective newlyweds hack at it themselves. But this was the dude and dame of warriorness and her own personal project. She'd been putting mucho hours into these two for a long time and something as horribly simple as having a drink to celebrate the wedding was mindbogglingly not going to get in the way. And of course Ares was shaking in his cute little leather pants about telling Xena about the "must drink ambrosia" thing. They were looking at it like the most horrible fate in Tartarus. It was so common though. Seriously did anyone have a clue how much ambrosia she and Hephaestus drank at their wedding? Just enough so that they almost consummated the marriage on the bloody banquet table.....while people were still eating. 'Dite shook off the memories and got down to business.   
  
So 'Dite zipped down to the Halls of War Palace to have a chat with the kicking of ass girl. She appeared before Xena and spoke with pure pink sugar.  
"Wo girlfriend. Where's the bride to be off in such a hurry? I kinda thought we'd have a chat. You know, girl stuff and the like." 'Dite gave a big sisterly smile that just had to elicit the same response from Xena.  
"Thanks for the offer Aphrodite, but I've got a lot on my mind and would just rather work it out today" That kind of response just wasn't going to cut it for the Goddess of Love so she pressed on.   
"Oh let me guess, thinkin how the mortality gig is going to affect you lovin stud-muffin right? Fear not warrior babe. Sister 'Dite has the answers to all your questions. Come on, I'll spill it when we get over to my temple palace. This violent decorating war thing is upsetting my do'." Xena agreed and off they went in a blur of pink.   
  
Xena didn't really understand how Aphrodite could dismiss Ares' decorating as overdone compared to her own temple. Xena hadn't even been aware that there were so many pink flowers in all of Greece. 'Dite snuggled up on a pink sofa with a goblet of wine and offered Xena one too. Xena accepted it and sat down next to her future sister in law. She might as well get comfortable with spending time with the God's socially. No matter what decisions were made, she'd be around all of them far more in the future. So when they were both comfortable 'Dite began to explain.   
"Ok, so here's the situation. You can't marry Ares while he's a God and you're a mortal. It's impossible and would just end up totally horrible. It's been fine up to now because neither of you were into commitment but now......you get this all right?" Dite knew the love thing. I was her expertise and didn't want to get ahead of a mortal using her jargon. Xena nodded gracefully. She wasn't an idiot but 'Dite had a very nice ego to preserve. 'Dite kept on talking.   
"Ok, so I know this is kind of stressing but I have something to tell you that deals with this situation. It solves it really neatly if you want to keep this simple. But if you're into complications than you're not going to like it. You see, just to deal with the little problems of demi-gods and mortals and other varieties, the Olympian wedding ceremony has this requirement. Well it's mostly just a toast to our Godhood. A total ego stroke you know." 'Dite realized she wasn't helping and took a deep breath, thankful for the fact that she was immortal and Xena couldn't hurt her.   
  
"Bride and Groom gotta drink ambrosia after saying the vows. No way around it. If you're marrying a God, you gotta take a sip." 'Dite spat the last couple words out and bit her lip, her eyes wide with concern for Xena's response. She didn't want anything to come between her brother and his bride and Xena's response was critical. Xena didn't say anything for a few moments until she muttered   
"Well I guess that solves my problem then doesn't it?" but in a way that 'Dite was fairly sure nothing was solved at all.   
"Oh Xena, I'm really sorry about this, but really. Don't you think it's for the best? Sure Ares could become mortal but then your lives would end so early. You could spend eternity together as Gods." Aphrodite really couldn't understand Xena's apparently morbid tenacity to hold on to mortality. Who didn't want to be a God? Xena had a very thoughtful look on her face.   
"You're probably right 'Dite, and I don't expect you to understand the benefits of being mortal so I won't explain them. It's just such a big decision."   
  
Aphrodite's tearful sympathetic face came up and she leaned forward.   
"I know girlfriend but really, you're already pledging to spend the rest of your life with the guy, why not extend that a bit?" Silence for a few more minutes before Xena smiled gently.   
"That's true.... ......eternity....with Ares doesn't sound that bad"   
  
'Dite jumped at the softening attitude  
"Yeah and you can still do your gig for humanity but on a larger scale." Xena seemed to brighten a tiny bit at that.   
"So what would happen......if I become a Goddess. Do I get my own domain over humanity too?" asked Xena.   
'Dite just smiled   
"Yeah, if you want. You've got lots of options, but it's really the universe that designates you. Here I'll explain it. But I'm feeling kinda grodey. Wanna have the conversation in my new baths? Just had them installed. It started off as an excuse to have all these hot pool boys around the palace but they're actually quite nice....the baths I mean. They're nothing like the spa up on Olympus....which you HAVE to try......" And Aphrodite didn't close her mouth for a long time.   
  
Chapter 5  
When Ares could finally leave the fight, he didn't return to his palace right away. He had to deal with the problem tonight. Whatever happened, Xena would need a couple of days to work it out. If only he could just not tell her. How would she know it was ambrosia? He could say it was just wine and let her drink it. No, No, No you stupid idiot. It's that kind of stupid plotting that almost kept her from you. Not to mention what she'd do when she realized he'd just tricked her into becoming a Goddess. Not really the best way to start a happy marriage, and can you even imagine the things she'd do to him with godly powers on her side? So he had to tell her tonight. He'd go straight home now and tell her. Ares was just about to enter the aether when he realized that he didn't have a plan. How was he supposed to tell her this? He needed a plan, he needed romance, he needed.....Aphrodite.   
  
Quick check. His sister wasn't on Olympus so he headed for her mortal world palace. This was the only situation where he ever got ether-sickness. Going from a vaguely normal atmosphere to a land of sickening pink tulle and lace required a strong stomach. He gave a good natured bellow and heard a reply of giggles coming from the new bathing room. He smiled to himself. 'Dite had had a lot of fun with a whole crowd of pool boy priests having those saunas installed. He walked back and almost jumped in shock at the sight of 'Dite and Xena stretched out in Dite's foaming tubs. Just the sight of Xena's peacefully pleased face bobbing in the suds made him seriously consider just zapping them back to their bed chamber. Thoughts of her naked wet body wrapped around his definitely held some merit and he was about to exercise that option when she opened her eyes and smiled at him, wiping absolutely all thought from his head.   
  
'Dite was sitting at the opposite end of the tub with one brawny tanned priest filling her goblet and another softly brushing her hair. She felt a little surge of power echo through her mind. That's what happened when there was love around. It fueled her Godhood and gave her a nifty sugar rush. Her bro' and his warrior babe were both on their way to making her as high as a kite.   
  
She didn't expect them to stay for long and with a quick glance of goodbye from Xena the two disappeared.   
  
**Missing Bit**   
  
When they reappeared in the Halls of War, Xena wasn't surprised that he'd taken them straight to their bed chamber. Wasn't surprised in the least that he'd transported them right on to the bed.   
  
(Author's note interruption: Ok, I know I'm about to take a bit of a leap here and I'm not sure if I can get away with it. I really don't know how to write the following scene. I'm not really up to writing it NC-17 and I don't feel like writing it another way right now. It's a lot of dialogue and everything and I feel like I've butchered Lucy's performances enough so far. If you really want this missing scene let me know and give a suggestion or two on what you'd like to see for it. Otherwise just move on to the wedding. Thanks -Kristy)   
  
Chapter 6   
Olympus cheered. Some harbored a mild dislike of Xena, and even more refused to trust or befriend Ares but these matters were set aside in favor of the general happiness of the occasion. Gods of many different varieties and powers filled the halls of Olympus, the great Olympians themselves sitting on elevated thrones on a raised, circular dais. Each of the twelve thrones formed a horseshoe with an incredibly decorated throne at the upper head of the shape. Each God possessed their seat with regal authority, with the exception of a lone throne which was empty.   
  
So it should be, as the god in question was awaiting his wedding and his bride in his outer chamber. Formal wear had taken precedent over the usual leather but Ares was fairly confident he didn't look half bad. A full black silk shirt with a black studded vest over the top and a shiny pair of tight leather pants had been laid out for him that morning; he assumed by Aphrodite who had a wonderful fashion sense and took special pleasure in dressing people for weddings. The whole look was one of groomed virility which Ares wore well. He was practically pacing back and forth in the outer chamber, awaiting the private message from Zeus that it was time for his entrance.   
  
After a very nerve wracking candlemark, the summons echoed in his head and Ares transported himself right outside the grand hall. Two nymphs opened the grand doors and he marched in. It was almost too surreal for Ares. Usually when he was ushered through that door it was to face his father's wrath. It was somewhat ironic to Ares that the room that was witness to many of his less pleasant moments was the setting for this miraculous occasion. But instantly all such thoughts flew from his mind as Xena walked in.   
  
Aphrodite must have helped her dress too. Or Xena had died since he'd seen her yesterday and had become an angel of the Elysian fields. Grand doors just to the side of his had opened and yeilded Xena's splendid form. Her gown was white silk molded carefully over the length of her body. The upper bodice lay on top of the silk and appeared to be.....a very fine and detailed white leather armour. The armoured bodice began by displaying a low cut amount of cleavage and the intricate gold moldings traced shimmering lines down over her hips and further to where the incredibly thin leather joined the silk seamlesly over her upper thighs. Her arms were bare and her back scantily covered by thin leather ties holding the dress together. Altogether a breathless sight which left Ares speechless.   
  
Aphrodite smiled, almost smug at her obvious success with this stubborn couple. And of course she'd helped choose Xena's gown. It was a matter requiring subtle choices that had plagued her for the last week. Xena's spectacular body would suit almost any gown and 'Dite was sure neither Xena nor Ares really cared, but the rest of Olympus would be paying rapt attention. Most of Olympus had never met Xena and a good number had never even heard of her until now. The majority of all immortal beings had great feelings of dismay over a mortal joining with a powerful Olympian. So not only was Xena joining with Ares for eternity in becoming a Goddess, she was also being presented to godly society for the first time, and first impressions were often critical. 'Dite wanted something that would immediatly set Xena apart from any other mortal anyone had ever met and the unconventional wedding gown was a perfect representation of her uniqueness.   
  
Both Ares and Xena walked from their respective doors and down diagonal paths which met and formed an open space before the Olympian thrones. Zeus remained sitting on his imperial throne and began the verbal segment of the ceremony. His masterly God voice echoed throughout the great halls of Olympus and all could hear him.   
"Olympians, Gods and others. Ares, God of War has come today wishing to pledge himself to Xena, known to mortals as "The Warrior Princess". She has come to receive this pledge and in return to pledge herself." Zeus paused momentarily. He did not falter, he was fully accustomed to addressing others in this fashion. But wedding ceremonies, even the wedding of his eldest son seemed like something he would have preferred to avoid. But his existence was one of duty before pleasure and he continued in his official role with adequately concealed disinterest.   
  
The couple affirmed their commitments to each other. Ares speaking solemnly with deep emotion and Xena with the same emotion and the tiniest spark of humor in her eye. After milennia spent as a bachelor, Ares was actually committing to marry her. And despite the time difference, she had been just as unlikely to fall in love and tie herself down. It was a wonderful moment and was only spoiled when the ambrosia appeared between them.   
  
Sacred words were spoken by Zeus, then two cherubs appeared and handed the chalices to each of them. Ares took his mindlessly; all his thoughts and eyes focused solely on Xena. He was scared beyond belief. His heart felt like a large rock sinking down in his stomach as he watched Xena take the chalice hesitantly and eye it's contents. Oh Gods. She wasn't going to do it. Ares could read her body posture perfectly and the tense muscles and tenuous grasp of the chalice told him she was about to bolt. Ares cursed himself a thousand times and made some very rapid decisions. She didn't want immortality or godhood. There was still something about it that she couldn't stand, even to be with him. He'd been a fool not to see it before, and so, he did what he felt he had to do.   
  
Moving swiftly, before anyone had a chance to interupt or he could change his mind, Ares put down his own chalice and grabbed Xena's from her hands, placing it along side his own. He then reached for Xena's hand to hold in his own and turned to Zeus. Ares face was a fearsome sight at that moment. His chin was low and his eyes held burning pits of passionate fire.   
"No, This isn't going to happen. I'm not going make her do this." Ares squeezed Xena's hand tighter, in an almost crushing grasp.   
"Make me mortal. Make Discord goddess of War or something. I don't want it anymore." No one dared speak. There would be time for whispered conjecture and speculation later and most people were too shocked just now to gossip with their neighbors. Athena drew herself up in indignation, Apollo smirked at his whipped brother, Artemis rolled her eyes in scepticism, Discord was shifting her feet in poorly concealed joy, and tears were rolling down Aphrodite's cheeks. Zeus sat expressionless, holding Ares gaze. He came to his decision. All right. He would honor his son's request.   
  
Before Zeus could give consent or remove Ares' powers, Xena acted. With her free hand she reached behind herself to where Ares had left their chalices. She took one and, without hesitation, drained it while Ares' attention was focused on his father.   
  
Being Gods, they all knew immediatly. They cou all sense the additional presence among them. Ares felt it and spun around for visual proof. He couldn't believe that she'd done it. He searched her eyes for some assurance or sign, but Xena didn't see him. Xena's mind had shut down, caused by a flood of sensations, as the ambrosia took effect. She felt the warm, thick liquid slide over her tongue and to the back of her throat. She swallowed on reflex and the warm mass of ambrosia traveled down her throat to the bottom of her stomach. The liquid mass in her body continued to heat itself until it was a blazing ember that grew to encompass her torso, limbs and head. The sensation of heat did not go away but soon Xena became accustomed to it. Her whole body felt different. It was still the same body, but it had been fundamentally changed in some strange way and Xena was aware of it all. Her heart was not beating. Instead, her entire inner body seemed to throb with millions of beating hearts. Not the steady pound she was used to, but almost a continous buzzing. Her mind seemed to be in constant motion, with new senses making her aware of movements around her, on earth and throughout the ether.   
  
It was a traumatic few seconds while her new godhood took over her body and when she opened her eyes again, the first thing she saw was Ares' concerned face. She had collapsed and he had quickly caught her and held her suspended above the ground in his arms. With wide eyes and a hesitant smile, Xena looked up at him, telling him everything he needed to know. He raised from his kneeling position, pulling her with him until they were both upright again. Refusing to release his Goddess, Ares contemplated looking at Zeus and just saying "Nevermind" but instead he kissed her with all the passion and fury that the last few moments of fear had given him.   
  
The End  
  



End file.
